As my 2 year wedding anniversary approaches, I started to think about what I have learned in these past 2 years as a wife. I can’t believe how time just passes. After 11 years of dating, then getting engaged, then planning a wedding – it’s been a crazy ride for sure! So what have I learned being married:
1. I’m a nag and control freak– yes I’m admitting to it. I never thought I would be a mix of my mom and dad when it came to cleaning, but I found myself saying – “don’t you know where the garbage can is?”, “the sink should always be empty”. I remember I used to tell my parents, “why don’t you just relax, it will get cleaned don’t worry”. And now my husband, R, was telling me the same thing. Wowza! So this brings me to my next point – cleaning.
2. Divide and conquer – When we first got married, cleaning was the #1 topic of discussion in our house. We fought and fought about cleaning to the point where we were considering hiring a maid. But we finally came to an agreement and divided the chores up and our cleaning arguments no longer occur.
3. Discuss Finances – I always thought that R and I were always good about talking about our finances. But we needed some fine tuning as to how we would separate our money for the things we really wanted. We were good at saving our money, but we didn’t really know how much money we could spend on ourselves for fun things – we call this Fun Money. That’s when I found this article on “Budgeting for Non-Budgeters”. It’s a great way to divide our monthly income and keep track of what goes into our savings and how much money we have to spend on ourselves. We keep track of this every week and we do this together.
4. Give each other props – With any relationship, it’s always good to hear that you did a good job or that you appreciate what the other person is doing for you. If your spouse takes out the garbage, say thank you for doing that. Even though sometimes we may think “well you’re supposed to do that”, it’s still nice to hear “thank you sweetie”. So go ahead, give your spouse some daps or a high five and say thank you and I love you!
5. Don’t go to bed angry – Out of our whole relationship (including when were were dating), I never went to bed angry except one night a few months ago. I went to bed angry and even though I did end up having a good sleep, I woke up pissed! We ended up resolving everything in the morning but I will never do that again.
6. Ask for help – I remember in our first year of marriage I used to get all frustrated because I thought I was running the house and I was taking care of everything. Then R just said, what’s wrong? I just spilled it all out and he’s like – uhhh why don’t you just ask me for help? Women, men are not mind readers. Even though we would like them to be, they are not. So just ask your husband if you need help and he’ll help you.
This is what I’ve learned so far. I’m sure there are lots to learn but I think I’m getting the hang of married life.
If you’re married, what have you learned so far?